Two years ago this week I became a mom of two. He was a surprise right from the start. Not a bad surprise, just an unexpected one. The kind that keeps you up at night, not the kind that makes you cry yourself to sleep. He still keeps me up at night.
I laid awake with worry. Worry I would not be enough for two of them. Worry I would have enough time one on one with them. Worry I would spend less time with my husband, my friends, my nieces and nephews, my friends. Worry about enough money, enough time, enough room, and enough love.
All of these worries were confirmed when sweet Gus showed up in my life. All of them except one. I cannot make them many promises. But there is one I can make – and keep. One place I can confidently say I will not short them in, is love.
Gus was born via c-section. It was surreal. Walking into the hospital knowing John and I would soon meet our new child. Hank would soon be a brother. Was I shorting Hank? Only giving him 19 short months of one on one time with us? Knowing he would have to share me with a sibling for the rest of his life? And this poor new child. He would never have me to himself. He would never get to spend the day with just me. I could never possibly love someone as much as I loved Hank. Could I?
And then Gus entered my world. I saw him and knew I had spent every moment of my life missing him. I knew Hank had been born waiting to meet his brother. I knew John had been born and raised to be a father of two. I knew Gus belonged with us. And I knew there was more than enough love.
There is not enough time. I never see anyone. I fall behind in my work, my home, my health. I haven’t slept in 4 years. My husband does more than his fair share. Dinner is sometimes pathetic. The boys rarely get one on one time with me. I live with so many of those worries that kept me up at night. I have fallen short. I will keep falling short. As a mom, as a wife, as a child of God. But there is so much love. We will never run out.
And really, all we need is love.